


Ode to Lungbarrow

by lys



Category: Doctor Who: Virgin New Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Filk, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-06-01
Updated: 1997-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-13 03:17:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lys/pseuds/lys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A musical interpretation of Marc Platt's Lungbarrow. Set to the tune of Master in the House from Les Miserables.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ode to Lungbarrow

Welcome my dears  
Stumble around,  
We've got the worst  
Housekeeper in town.  
Pardon our dust,  
This place is a dive,  
But it's hard to clean  
When you're buried alive.  
Trapped in time are we,  
This House has ceased to be!  
Our Name has been struck   
From Time Lord history!

Doctor in the House  
Linen-suit of white  
Hat upon his head   
and holds his brolly tight.  
Not been here for years,  
Six seventy-three,  
Time to reunite   
with his dear family.  
Seems he has misplaced his TARDIS,  
His companion's lost his mind...  
Dreaming other people's dreams   
And flitting back and forth 'cross time.

Doctor in the House  
Got a lot of sass  
Ducking down and hiding   
from the looking glass.  
Come pull up a chair  
They're rather oversized,  
Since we're never children   
it's to fool the eyes.  
Everybody meet the Cousins,  
In total we were forty-five  
Woven from the same cloth;   
It's a wonder any have survived!

Companion in the House  
In the dark again...  
Is it 'cause he's blond or  
has he lost a friend?  
Here's a crime to solve,  
Chief witness is deceased,  
And Chris keeps goin' over   
like a fallen tree,  
Drudges try to chase the Doctor  
His brain is leaking like a sieve...  
Chris is the receptor?!   
This is much too crazy to believe!

Welcome, Miss Ace   
Leela as well  
Best grab your leathers;   
this trip will be hell.  
Armed to the hilt  
Pushovers NOT!   
You mess with them and   
it's trouble you've got.  
Romana gets them free,  
But she herself must flee  
the Celestial   
Intervention Agency!

Blow the capital  
Head out towards Mount Lung  
Sneak inside the House -   
the fun has just begun!  
Wild Earth Mother leads,  
Followed through the scene  
by a Dalek-killing biker   
in a crinoline!  
Fresh fish falling from the fireplace,  
For dinner it's a miracle!   
Anything but tafelshrew   
and feathergill and fungus gruel!

Chaos in the House  
The Doctor's turn to flee  
They've all forgot the Laws   
of Housepitality  
Quences hid the will  
Glospin stopped his hearts  
Badger's hiding something   
in his stuffed-toy parts,  
Time for us to find the Cousins,  
Most of them have gone away,  
Hiding from the drudges,  
Bearing years of grudges,   
Otherstide will be a fun-filled day!

Ferrain has reached the House.  
Conspiracies galore!  
He wants the Doc to work for him,   
oh what a bore!  
Romana's got a plan  
Clever little lass,  
The Sisterhood's arrived;   
the Curse to lift at last!  
Andred's gone and knocked up Leela,  
Who is next we cannot say,  
Bio-clocks are wound up --   
Now we know why Chris wanted to stay!

[[Glospin's lament:]]  
I used to dream   
That I would be the kithriarch  
But thanks to Wormy   
I've been left here in the dark . . .  
Wormhole in the House  
Such a little toad!  
Anomalies exist  
in his genetic code!  
First get him Disowned  
Then get him Replaced  
Anything to run that bastard   
off the place!  
He always was Quences' favourite,  
Innocet's wrapped 'round his thumb,  
Framing him for murder's   
How I shall come in into my own!!

(Chorus) Doctor in the House  
(Glospin) No Cousin of mine!  
(Chorus) Loomed just like the rest of us  
(Glospin) He's from the Other time!  
(Chorus) Who he was before; too terrified to know -  
(Glospin) Simply put: A Monster! With his Hand in tow!!  
(Chorus) Ace and Leela blow the rafters;  
Satthralope has lost her spouse!  
Neither cruel not cowardly!  
(Glospin) This House should belong to ME!   
(All) Leaving Cwej and his House key, He's the Doctor in the House!

**Author's Note:**

> One of my friends made the mistake of mentioning Les Miserables, filking and Lungbarrow in the same sentence before I'd even read the book; this was the result.
> 
> As far as I can tell, everything belongs to either Auntie Beeb or Marc Platt; therefore I can honestly claim no responsibility whatsoever. ;-)


End file.
